Friday, April 17, 2015

Decisions, Decisions


I'm in a lot of pain and feeling very nauseous.

Should I go to the market tomorrow or stay home and rest?

Hmm ....

I'll sleep on it.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

My Friend Helen Part II



As for me, Helen really changed my life. Those two articles about attendant abuse put me on the fast track to getting direct funding, which allowed me the power to both hire and fire my own employees. This is so huge and important to my life, I'm not too sure what else to say without it sounding trite. To say Helen saved my life might seem like an exaggeration, but its actually true. I'm not sure were I would be today if Helen had not written those articles.

Thank you, Helen.

I will never forget you Helen, and I'm sure no one else you've helped over the years will either.



Tuesday, April 14, 2015

My Friend Helen

Today my friend Helen Henderson passed away from lung cancer.  She was 68.  Helen didn't even smoke.

Star's Helen Henderson--champion-for-thedisabled-dies at 68.


Our friendship began 10 years ago, when I went to her desk at the Star and asked her if she could review an anthology book in her next column. She agreed, and said that she was particularly interested in reading the story I had written.  "Finally, a Book to Help Parents of Disabled

Several months later, after I was fed up with fighting with Tobias House about its abusive attendants, I contacted Helen again to help me expose what was going on, not just in my building but at other on-site attendant care facilities.

The shit hit the fan.  Helen wrote not one but two exposees on the subject.  People with disabilities from all over Ontario wrote in to the paper, telling their own accounts of abuse. The government began to investigate thesse claims, and they also made it mandatory for everyone applying as an attendant to first take a course and receive a certificate.

As for me -

To be continued ....

Monday, April 13, 2015

I Just Want to Paint


I had a great, brilliant, and fun day!

But, honestly, I just want to paint now ....

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad Day

Please excuse me if I don't even want to talk about today.

I just want to chill out, watch Gotham, and eat spaghetti.

Ciao.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

A Long, Long Saturday


I'm already very tired and the day has barely started.

One of my new trainees is a smoker and went outside on the balcony before bed to have a cigarette. Unfortunately, she didn't close the balcony door tight enough so the wind kept blowing it open and shut. I think this affected my two cats, because they both jumped on me repeatedly throughout the night. They also fought on my bed too.

In the morning, I had to train the same person to do my Saturday morning routine and then race over to the market to work.

After I leave the market, I'm having dinner with my brother Bruce and his two kids. And, when I get home, I'm expecting Motria to come over and watch TV, or maybe rent a movie.

I need to ask Motria an important question.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Trying


I've worked so hard today, and now I'm going to try to finish my painting so I can take it to the market tomorrow.





Wish me luck!

Thursday, April 9, 2015

The Best


Frank Zappa:  "Music is the best."

Aaron Shelbourne:  "Sex is the best."

Hershey & Rascal Abbott:  "Without a doubt, food is the best!"

Anne K. Abbott:  "Creating art is the absolute best!"

Of course, we are all right ...





Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Drained


I'm tired ...  drained, if you will.  The counselling session was a doozey today!  I cried and cried, felt terribly angry and sad.

Guilt was also present.  Had I killed or intentionally hurt anyone?  Was my heart cold, hard, and evil? Did I torture puppies and kittens in their sleep?  No, none of these things were true.

I feel guilt over the lack of control I have over my disability.  I feel guilt over the lack of control I have over my grief as well. Try as I may to be strong, good, kind, and perfect - these two imperfections stick out like sore thumbs! I try my best to cope (and, in doing so,hide certain things from people), but I feel like sometimes my physical condition and grief weigh upon the people I love.

I need to stop feeling guilty over things I can not change.  I need to make myself understand that I may not be a perfect Super Anne - but I'm doing my best and that's something! I need to remind myself that despite my disability and grief, I am a good and worthwhile person. Although my friends support me in all sorts of ways, I, too, share my love and understanding with them as well.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

That's Good and That's Too Bad Part II

Like I said, yesterday was super busy.  I picked up new merch at the post office; bought a lot of art supplies; and, bought groceries at Loblaws.

At College Park, I got some supplements at the health food store and more art supplies at the dollar store. I also bought a pink luggage strap at a store that sold bags etc.

It was a good day, a fun day.  And yet - especially when I was at  College Park - ghosts kept following me around!  That's good.  Sure.  I miss Mom and Rob so much.  I wish I could see, hear, touch them all the time.

It's good that I can feel the presence of the people I love, have memories of them float through my head.  I cherish those moments.

And yet, it's kind of bad too.  I mean, when I went to the luggage store I had to take several deep breaths and try to puah away the memories of when my mom had her first heart attack and collapsed there.  And even now I can"t go past Metro or Tim Hortons witjout feeling a pang of sadness and anxiety. The luggage store makes sense because something terrible happened there but I don't know why I have these same feelings towars places where we had fun.

Well, tomorrow is my counselling appointment-maybe she can figure me out!

Monday, April 6, 2015

That's Good and That's Too Bad Part I


I was going to write a long entry about my day, my feelings, thoughts ....



However, I started painting, got really into it, and then I got exhausted and felt a bit nauseous.

I will say this: today was a very good and busy day.  And yet, every place I went, every sight I saw, made me recall memories of Rob and Mom.

That's good and, sure, and yet that's kind of too bad too.  Well, not bad but hard!

I'll elaborate more tomorrow ....

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Busy but Tired


I'm busy doing the payroll and updating my finances, among other things.

I'm tired, too, from a long day at the market and a very nice dinner with Motria, so, I'm going to simply post some photos from today.  After that, I'll finish my work and go to bed.