Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Emails, texts, emails, texts, emails, texts. This is how most of my day has been like. I've been organizng like mad, not just scheduling my employees for their regular shifts but also making sure that people are available to assist me during the weekend of the Riverdale Art Walk.
I've been also in contact with the people in charge of the art festival, making sure that they understand that there needs to be some concessions made on my behalf because of my disability.
Everything will work out. I'm sure it will! I think .... I hope ....
I've never done any kind of art festival like this before, so I've been feeling extra, extra stressed out about everything during these past few days. It's been so bad that one day I doubled the dosage of my Lorazepam.
And yet, the non-stop mind racing; the heart thump-thump-thumping within my chest; and, the relentless doubts that poke my sleep like sharp spears are only part of the problem.
Overwhelming sadness and regret, this is my problem. I yearn for Mom and Rob to be here to share this new adventure with me. Part of me says Just quit, back out of the festival. It's too hard to manage and deal with. But I know that I can't do this; quitting isn't an option. Doing the Riverdale Art Walk is a step onwards. Doing other festivals and gallery shows will also point me in the right direction.
Onwards and upwards!
Monday, May 25, 2015
I still feel weary and blah from my cold. You wouldn't want to read about my sneezing, coughing fits, or my aches and pains anyway. I sure don't want to feel them myself!
One more day of rest and a good night's sleep - I'll be right as rain by tomorrow!
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Evenings suck when you have a cold.
I had a good day. I saw Laura and her dog Stuie (short for Stuart MacLean) and had fun with them. However, right now I feel sneezy, congested, and blah ....
Write to you tomorrow.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
I woke up at 5:30 am, thinkking: Bloody hell, I have a cold! From then on, every fifteen minutes or so, I would jerk awake, review my symptoms in my head and debate about whether I would be able to go to the market.
Unfortunately not. My whole body screamed at me to stay in bed and rest, to try to expel this evil illness from my body.
I stayed in bed until noon, and put food in my belly and watched a shitload of Friday Night Lights, The Musketeers, and Mad Men.
I also wrote emails and did some online banking. (You didn't actually think I could just sit and do nothing, did you?)
It's evening now and my cold symptoms are getting worse. G-R-O-A-N-! I think I'll take some cold meds and go to bed early.
Hopefully, I'll feel much better tomorrow ....
Friday, May 22, 2015
Yahoo! I'm all updated with emails, employee scheduling, and my personal finances.
Amy helped me write to a gallery in Baltimore asking then for qualifications on how to create a proposal. In 2011, when I was in town for Frank Zappa Day to honour Rob's great love of Zappa, I met somebody from the Creative Alliance and they suggested that I have an exhibition in their gallery. So, almost six years later, that's what I'm going to try to do.
Speaking of which - back to work! I'm starting a new painting.
Pictures to follow ....
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
As I wait for my dinner, I'm listening to my YouTube playlist. Walking Wounded by The Tea Party is playing now. After my counselling session today, I feel like I'm "walking wounded" ... well, wheeling wounded anyway.
I talked about many things to my counsellor today, but one thing continues to circle around in my brain. Fifteen years ago, Rob was in the hospital, deathly ill with pancreatitis. The doctors told me that he only had a 15% chance of his survival. Scared beyond belief, not knowing what else to do, I visited Rob twice a day, every day for six weeks, and I would sit by his bedside holding his hand for hours at a time.
Rob recovered, got stronger and healthier. I thought I'd have him longer than I did.
As I told this story to my counsellor, I heard Adele's Rolling in the Deep echoing in my head. "We could have had it allllllllllllllll, rolling in the deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" It's not fair that Rob's not with me, after everything we'd gone through throughout the years.
But then whoever said that life is fair? Certainly not I.
Ok, time to distract myself ..... Mac & Cheese from Hair of the Dog and Merlin on Netflix.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Today I got three of my paintings ready to go to Luc Sculpture Gallery. They will be in the Beautiful Mother EARTH group art show from May 20 to August 30.
And now, I'm going to finish a painting I started last night.
I need to get ready for the Riverdale Art Walk, which is from June 6 to June 7.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Sunday, May 17, 2015
My father used to snack uponWine Gums and Licorice All-sorts and a bowl of peanuts in the evenings. Oh yes, and a can of Pepsi.
Dad would watch TV in the recroom downstairs as he ate. Star Trek, Get Smart, Hawaii 5-0, Man From U.N.C.L.E., Gunsmoke, and Ponderosa were just a few of his favourite shows.
He was a fastidious man, precise in deed and thought. And yet, Dad could be very jovial and kind. He loved playing tennis; going on yearly vacations; and, without a doubt, he loved his family ....
Happy birthday, Dad! You would have been 89 today. I love you and miss you!
Saturday, May 16, 2015
It was an interesting market day.
I felt pretty in my new dress and I did ok for sales. That was good!
People were cool, friendly, and appreciative of my art. The best customers, however, were two little girls. The older one came up to me first. She and her mother chatted with me and asked me questions about my art. A few minutes later, the younger girl and the father came along as well. I had to smile as the older girl kept bragging that she had communicated with me by reading my board ....
Those kids were so cute!
I was going to write more about today, but I'm exhausted and my muscles are killing me
Friday, May 15, 2015
My cats sure are lazy boys ....
I, on the other hand, have so much to do before I go to bed tonight. Despite the rainy, gloomy, dismal weather, which has been sapping my energy all day, I know I must finish at least the bulk of work I've set for myself. I'll have a terribly fitful sleep if I don't.
Tomorrow night, though, it's Move over, boys! It's MY turn to chill out!
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Yesterday, between feeling sadness and regret over celebrating Rob's birthday without him, I looked at all of my clothes and decided to get rid of some of them.
And then I bought some more clothes at Joe Fresh. Retail therapy always softens the sharpness of a hard day.
Today I concentrated on advertising the Riverdale Art Walk, which is being held on the weekend of June 6-7. I'm going to be one of the artists, talking to people and selling my work.
In recent past posts, I've mentioned how I felt like I had somehow "lost my footing" within my life. However, by purging old clothes and other stuff I don't use anymore; by rearranging my apartment so that it's more accessible; and, by trying out new adventures like the Riverdale Art Walk I think I'm on the path to regaining at least some of my balance.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Today I did my best to honour Rob by watcing his favorite shows and listening to is favorite music. I even used is shampoo and deodorant this morning.
Grief is a weird thing. For me at least, I want the pain and sadness to go away, and yet I'm afraid to forget about Rob altogether.
But how could I forget a a man like Rob Warenda? He was the sweetest, funniest, smartest, weirdest and sometimes the most infurating man I have ever known. Plus, Rob loved me the most of everyone (except Mom) and I felt the exact same way about him!
I know in my heart I will never really forget Rob, but I'll still keep honouring him and honouring the times we spent together.
Cheers, Rob! I'll always love you ....